Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
