she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
