Your face is a jimmy john
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
