I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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