why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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