bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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