There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
