Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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