Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
