I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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