Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize