i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
