So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
