just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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