one two three fourrrrnication!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
