I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
