why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
