Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
