You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
