You can't special order awesome
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
