Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
