Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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