Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
