just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize