i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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