When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love you. Go after that dick
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