Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
