I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
