So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
