You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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