My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
