I seem to have left my pride at pride
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
