I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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