I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
