We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
