I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
