he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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