Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
