in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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