Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
