took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
