I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
