I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
