I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
