She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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