According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
