i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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