I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize