well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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