the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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