I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
