Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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