her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Farmville is her only friend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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