I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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