You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
