So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
wow bdsm is so cute
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
