Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize