you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think my mom watched the whole time
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had to cum in my sink.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize