ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
