I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
