Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
