I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
