so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
