Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
