ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize