FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
