my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
