I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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