I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just pee around me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
