Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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