I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize