Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
