my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
